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SEVEN
TIPS TO HELP CHILDREN COPE WITH WAR
from The
National PTA
- Maintain
daily routines, which can be reassuring for young children.
Do not give them the impression that you are unduly
preoccupied with the war or allow it to disrupt their lives.
- Maintain
a calm atmosphere at home.
Children sense and adopt the tension and anxieties of
their parents.
- Monitor
television viewing, including the amount and intensity of war
coverage. But
don’t shield them from watching the coverage altogether;
that might only intensify their anxiety and curiosity.
When possible, watch television with your children so
you can ask them questions and be available to answer them.
- Allow
your children to talk freely and express their reactions to
things heard in school and viewed on television.
- Do
not force your own views on your children, especially
adolescents. Listen,
don’t lecture. Encourage
your older children to work out their own positions about the
war, even if they differ from yours.
- Be
honest about what happens during war (people are hurt) but
assure them that they are far away from the fighting and are
not likely to be in danger.
- Give
children honest, realistic answers to their questions about
war, making sure that the explanations are appropriate for the
child’s age and cognitive ability.
For example, concrete answers are OK for younger
children, while more philosophical discussions will work for
adolescents.
HELPING
CHILDREN COPE WITH WAR
from Southwest
Washington Medical Center
In
order to help children, we need to understand the emotional
response to crisis: First
comes shock and a feeling of numbness.
In rapid and back-and-forth progression, you will
experience a roller coaster of emotions including disbelief,
anger, fear, and the sense of loss of control.
There
are multiple factors in the child’s experience—his/her stage
of development, age, and environment—that will come together to
influence thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
What
do children need?
1.
Children need to know that
they are safe. Frequently
reassure them.
· They need to know that the adults in their lives are
here to make sure that they are safe.
Relaying this information helps the child realize that
he/she does not have to be constantly concerned about personal
safety.
· Children need to know that they are safe in their
own homes and the war is very far away.
2.
Children need to know that
it is OK to talk to trusted adults about the war and their
feelings.
·
It is important for adults to “name” their own
feelings and share them with children, such as “Thinking about
the war makes me feel confused…afraid…etc.”
·
It is important to be a listener!
Let children have their own feelings.
Be non-judgmental.
· Recognize that allowing the child to talk about
feelings is therapeutic in and of itself.
3.
Children need age-appropriate information about the
war in response to their questions.
Children will ask what they need to know if you give them
an opportunity.
4.
Children need their normal daily schedule
maintained.
· Remember that physical activity and having fun are
the best antidotes to stress.
5.
Children need to know that it is OK not to think
about the war all of the time.
Caring about problems in the world is normal and healthy.
When fears surface around the war, we need to balance them
with thoughts about peace.
6.
Children may need to find appropriate ways to
demonstrate their concerns and feelings. This may range from tying a yellow ribbon around a tree to
participating in a school walkout.
Children need to examine the reasons why they are doing
what they are doing.
Coping
Activities
1.
Evaluate the individual needs of your children.
Remember that you can limit their exposure to television
coverage. When they
watch it, it is helpful for you to be with them to discuss
feelings and interpretations.
2.
Focus on enjoyable activities that bring balance
into the child’s experience. (Examples: baking
cookies, playing ball, walk in the park.)
3.
Encourage the child to identify an appropriate
activity that will help someone else.
(Example: Collect
toys for less fortunate children.) This helps the child to feel
that he/she is participating in constructive living.
Aids
for facilitating discussion
1.
Look for opportunities that could lead to a
discussion and take advantage of them.
(Example: If
your child is “playing war”, sit down and play with him/her.
Allow the child to guide the play and take the opportunity
to explore the “whys” of his/her play.)
Remember not to allow your own thoughts and feelings to
take over the child’s experience of what he/she is playing out
or thinking.
Danger
signals
1.
Watch for behavior or talk that indicate isolation,
unrealistic fear for personal safety, or depression.
Explore to differentiate between a normal sadness and more
pervasive depression.
2.
Watch for signs of withdrawal from activities for which the
child usually has enthusiasm.
3.
Watch for physiological signs of depression, such as inability to
sleep, eat, etc.
Summary
Remember, the children you are
dealing with have a heightened need to feel your concern and your
love.
·
Listen to them.
·
Reassure them.
·
Be with them.
Remember
that their needs will be ongoing and that it is crucial for them
to understand that this war will lend.
As
one child put it, “In your life there will not always be war.
There will be good things and bad things. This war is one
of the bad things.”
Don’t hesitate to seek help from professional and
community resources if you deem it necessary, BUT don’t
underestimate your own ability to cope with the needs of children. You can provide a secure and safe environment and nurture a
non-judgmental relationship, which will help the child cope with
the current ongoing crisis of war.
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